A really bloody exciting one which has just started to come together in my mind.

You know the funny thing about this studying for this MA is its abit like the magic eye – for hours and hours you read and study and read again and try to feel like a student and then suddenly (like tonight) the eureuka moment …

And now I feel I can run in my reflecting – I have a dream, a goal to work towards.  My experiences of where I am, what I do all start to make sense.

The funniest thing – I have the urge to laugh quite hysterically…  presure release maybe! But its amazing – I have seen my dream and its doable and possible and more than that it will be  a reality.

Thank you Jung, Carl Rogers, Kolb, Argyris, Myer Briggs and the other topology tests which sort of helped me to begin to see who I was…

And thank you Freire, Handy and Bandura for giving me the insight, the words and the way to make it happen.

Communities, its all going to be about communities but not for brands and not just social networks – so serve a far bigger purpose and to create social good.

My cousin killed himself on Monday and this has played such a part in my thinking.   What and why did he do it?  I have an idea if truth be told. He wa s a loner, awkard with people to the point of being rude, didn’t mean it but that was how he came across.  His marriage had disintergrated …  few friends, tough career and a family who whilst loving had survived the war both in Germany and in Japan so there was no room for emotions in his life, and as the oldest he could not be weak…

My family has just crashed with the news – this is a family who survived a japanese prisoner of war camp and nazi germany, this is a family who have struggled to rebuild themselves.   For one of us to have said that death was more comforting than life such was his pain, its almost too hard to unbearable for those he left behind.

I dedicate this dream to Juergen Mertz who left this earth on Monday 3rd March for I hope a place in heaven with Opa and Oma who will help to take the pain away.

God bless you Juergen and keep you safe.

And God look after Christian, Carien, Mechtild, Christoph and the rest of my family during their time of grief.

I’m learning about learning in my ma course.

Today I reading through Turner, Giddens, Friere.

All of them describe a different slant on learning..  each one makes sense.

Will post more when I’ve made the connections (Solo Taxonomy).

http://www.trendwatching.com/briefing/

I’ve been realling enjoying doing the tests: Kiersey/ Myers Briggs Type Indicator and pasting some of the results which have come up …

To begin with I was really excited by the results because they seemed to describe this cool person which I didn’t identify with and that made me feel heaps better.

I got to think about it and thought actually these are things I could be (well ok not all – but if I tried then yes and by trying I mean give myself the chance) rather than write things off…  because my attitude has become negative of late.

Then I read the Forer test in which everyone was given the same information and asked to see how highly they ranked it as against their character and darn it most people give it a high ranking as an acccurate reflection of their character.

Well fiddle sticks to that for the timebeing.  I’m going to enjoy this period of reflection for myself because its something I’ve not done for me before..so here goes – some truthfulness about me ..  or not depending on your belief in this psychology tests..

The Socionics test – an updated version of the MBTI with some subtle differences:(Cheers Pierre!)

Then there is the Keirsey test:

Your Keirsey Temperament Sorter Results indicates that your personality type is that of the

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self — always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the “not visible” or the “not yet” that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a “soulmate,” someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Idealists at Work
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job.

Because you live in anticipation of an exciting future, in your ideal job you will be asked to stretch your imagination on a continual basis. Existing ideas, individuals and groups of people, products, services, and the relationships between these things can trigger flashes of insight about how “what is” might unfold into “what might be.” You feel rewarded where you feel free to share your insights with people who encourage your creativity and who support the unpredictable process by which you narrow down the stream of ideas into innovations that are meaningful within the scheme of your personal values. You are likely to be comfortable taking on a leadership role, so long as it doesn’t place you in an arbitrary hierarchy.

There are a few more tests to go and one in particular – the Enneagram which I will look forward to using in more detail rather than the cursuory ten min test.

Where’s all this going…  I’m not entirely 100% sure at the moment.  It’s taking me on a journey and getting me to think about where and how my career has been to this point and whether I think the best of me is out doing her thing or not.  I rather feel not at the moment..

As I said earlier my mood has been on the negative side recently and I’ve put it down to the winter months (and being a leo we do need the sun – :O)).  What I do feel will be useful is to set some parameters in place of what I measure to be success for myself now that I have started doing these tests and how I feel about myself and my professional life apropro these tests.

They can act as a guides whether consciously or subconsciously and that is no bad thing.

What I do know is that my path in social media has been a slow off the starter block when compared to some but then I have to remind myself that most of my friends outside of work do not know what Twitter is.  I love them to pieces and they excel at being musicians and DJ’s. So everyone has their rhythm.

I’m really enjoying the connections which are happening in my mind about social media and meeting the people who are the pioneers in this field.  Whilst I’m not the greatest blogger or Twitterer…  I can see a level of its activities and what it means for people to suddenly have a voice and be connecting with other people.

And my final thought for the evening is in this world of turmoil, banking chaos, governments that seem to be inept or out of their depth, escalating violence, wars against innocent children for the sake of gaining votes in an election and fires out of control in Australia – in all this ever increasing chaos of the world, it’s actually quite reassuring to have something to help one look at one self and say hey you’re not that bad after all!

I think my new look for the website is more me now – the other one was well a little home made / quaint styley!

And since I’ve developed a bit of a passion for blogs, and feel more confident  in posting  – I want a more professional looking one to reflect my thoughts because these seem to be developing.

Most blogs are *crap* however having read my way through many, there is definitely a style I like with them, a message the person wants to deliver and last but not least a tone which is set.

I’m hoping this will really kick off my blogging because I have to say I’m pleased as punch today, Dominic Sparks came back with a comment on my previous blog about using psychology tests for children’s social networks as a tool against bullying …  and there was I thinking no one read my blog so what did it matter.

What a lovely man and he’s made my day!

Now going to do some posting on these psychology tests which form part of my MA …  so here goes!

On my into work yesterday morning I was looking around the carriage of the Jubilee train and observing the many different types of people …  it struck me that this was the equivalent of a social network – many people in one place who don’t know each other but are sharing the journey together.

Looking around there were some who like real trouble makers and one could tell by their ‘energy’ they were positively looking for any reason to kick off.

This is being translated online by the rise of cyberbullying…  which is a really horrible trend.  With most kids owning mobile phones the level of bullying has really increased and become incredibly invasive in a person’s life.  It’s public humilation delivered in a very personal way for all to see and even in the sanctity of a person’s home.

Then I thought, wouldn’t it be great I thought if there was a way for social networks to be able to run psychology tests on the behaviour patterns for potential bullies.  With the amount of tests I’ve done in the last few days I wonder why I never did them before ….  for myself.  They’re quite revealing and whether one likes the mirror reflecting the self on the other side of the test, it does make one sit up and take note.

So with these tests in place, social networks can start to protect young people online through the behavioural patterns and can flag up potential dangers and problems before they really escalate into something which could end with a child attempting to kill themself.  It’s very big brother in theory but as Facebook have just announced they are going to start to sell the behavioural patterns of their members to advertisers …  hmmmM!

No idea how this is going to work, or even how legal it is at the moment, just be good to have more structure in place in the online world which can start to identify the bullying characteristics.

I’ll mention this to Dominic Sparkes at Tempero, a moderating agency and see what he thinks.  Be certainly a good conversation because he’s one of the leaders in the field and has recently hosted an evening about Children’s Safety Online for the brands and advertisers to see where and how children can be vunerable online.

Tests – for the self – are really fascinating!

I say this because for the last few days I’ve been doing a whole lot of psychology tests as part of my self development course for the LDL MA.

The results have been enlightening to say the least. (My goal is to post these up tomorrow)

The results come back with a very different overview of  my personality traits to those that I think I am.

For example, all my life I’ve thought of myself as widely chaotic and disorganised.. creative thinking, you know the sort of untameable ….  the round peg who never fitted in the square hole.

Hmm – well according to the different psychology tests on the BBC website (big thumbs up to Amy for leading the way on those) – er how off track was I?  And the more I think about it actually it starts to make sense.

The results say I am a planner and like things to be ordered – and one of them goes so far as to say that I am a structured person…

Because I do like order, I don’t like things to be untidy and disorganised .. I do make lists and I like things to be planned.  If they are not then I can feel unsettled… and yet I am also the one who is easily distracted so can leave things half done…

My dutch side is perhaps emerging from the shadows and my father’s DNA is taking control and boy is he organised.  He is organised with a great big capital O!

My mother the british side is the wholly disorganised, chaotic and widely impulsive and I always thought I was more like her.  But in all reality – its staring me in the face, I don’t enjoy the chaos.

That’s not to say that everything around me is tidy, er its not.  But I do ‘feel’ strong and clear headed when things are clear, filing done…

I do plan things.

So that is part of my realisation – is to actually give myself the time and the chance to be organised rather than judge myself to be chaotic and impulsive.

To do that will require discipline and effort.  But its an investment I will make to bring order into my mind and my life because I feel it will make me happier.

With regards to happiness, I’m not unhappy but I am unfulfilled and that is rather like wearing a millstone around the neck.  What makes me happy is my marriage and my extraordinary and fabulous husband who after nearly five years of marriage I love more each day.  He makes me incredibly happy.

But me for me in me – is not happy with me! And that is what I want to change.

I’ve got some big decisions to make in my life … career – what I want to do in my work life, what makes me feel alive in my work and how to get there.

My great feat in the last 12 months was to stop smoking after far too many years ….  and to start training and running.  So if I can give up smoking and wheeze my way round the park then hell yes I can start to organise the life and lifestyle to the one where I feel happier and mentally comfortable.  And with an action plan in place and a vision and goal to work towards, my worklife becomes a whole lot less painful and one where I can start to feel hope towards again.

Close to where I work in Tottenham Court Road, in fact next to the M&S is a man who sells the Big Issue. As the months have gone by and I’ve passed him on my way to work – we’ve become friends.  He always had a dog by his side lying on an old piece of cardboard or bit of blanket and the dog was called Safi.  When we spoke, Safi would look up and check he was alright and then gently close her eyelids to go back to sleep and he would tell me about her and their wonderful stories together.

It was a wonderful relationship, she stayed awake at night to look after him and he looked after her during the day.  As a couple they were inseperable.  Never did he have to put her on a lead, they just were a unit.

It used to break my heart to see them out on the street, a tired and old dog and a man who was just a sweetheart and deserved better than what life had given him.

In the last few weeks Safi had been wearing a neck collar, the ones with the funnel front because she had cancer and the Blue Cross were going to operate ….

and then this week – Wednesday in fact when I got into work – I saw my friend and looked for Safi.  She was not there … my friend told me she had been put to sleep two weeks ago because she had cancer and was in pain. She’d died in his arms and then the Blue Cross had taken her away to Cambridge to be cremated.  He had not been able to go with her on the last journey of her life and not had the money to give his companion the burial he’d wanted too.

I walked the rest of the way to work in tears ranting against the unfairness of the world and how terribly cruel it is.

She was a loyal friend to a man who had few friends, who looked after him in the dark when we are all tucked up in bed and now he was on his own.

It’s hardly a consolation but a little group of us are organising a whip round for him to buy a plaque for Safi and for his train fare to Cambridge so he can see where her ashes have been scattered and choose the place for the plaque in the memorial garden and remember his loyal companion and friend …  because I know even though she is not here in body, she certainly is in spirit looking after her friend and making sure he keeps afe.

These are indeed very turbulent times we are living in….  And the latest controversy stirred up by the BBC over whether to show the DEC emergency appeal for Gaza is creating a split amongst the viewers never seen before.

Some believe the BBC are right in their standpoint of not allowing the appeal for aid to be viewed.  Others disagree and believe the BBC should show the appeal for humanitarian reasons.

www.dec.org.uk

Whichever way this standoff goes, it has brought to the fore emotions about this subject and caused many a raised voice including in my own household.

The reasons the BBC are giving for not showing the appeal rests on two points

1) They have concerns about the distribution of the aid to the people in Gaza

2) They don’t want to lose their impartiality in reporting and believe if they show the DEC appeal they will lose the impartial position they hold in their reporting.

Mark Thompson was interviewed about his decision this morning on the Today Programme.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_7850000/7850617.stm

If this had happened even but five years ago, the volume of public dissent and disagreement would not have been nearly so loud however with the modern communication (web 2.0 tools) such as blogging and forums, the conversations about this are many and loud.

One of the biggest attributes of blogging is that it allows for comments or chat backs if one wants to use the appropriate language.  And following on from the Director General of the BBC’s post on the editorial blog in which he defends his decision, the number of comments has been quite overwhelming.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2009/01/bbc_and_the_gaza_appeal.html?moduserid=movabletype23_53851&pid=74926491&upm=False&asb=False&pmp=False#dnaacs

Most of them are on the side the BBC should show the appeal for the sake of humanity because people are dying through lack of medical care and basic supplies which have been blockaded by Israel and even now are coming through slowly.

And I have to say I take this humanitarian stand point..  My husband takes the position of Mark Thompson and hence our earlier spate.

What saddens me about this whole thing has been the escalating war of words  and the growing disagreements between families and brothers whilst people are dying because they are not getting essential medical care.

The attention seems to have been diverted from the people in Gaza into a conversation of whether the BBC is right or wrong…

There is no right or wrong when it comes to people dying – it is wrong and there is nothing right about it.  It’s worse when it is children dying…  and this war has claimed already too many young lives.

The BBC hold the mantle of the Fourth Estate but one can’t help but wonder now if there are cracks appearing in this role.

At the end of the day is Mark Thompson’s behaviour similar to that of a feudal lord in that he can ‘decide’ what information his subjects are allowed to be told and what they can’t be shown.

The Fourth Estate was the role of the media to watch over the monarchy and now it has the power in its own right to own information and control the masses.  Who controls this power I wonder? Who ultimately ensures the Director Generals of the BBC are making the right decisions on behalf of the viewing public?  Have they assumed that we are not able to make our own decisions and choices and need to be shielded in case we lose our impartiality to the conflict?

Mark has come across as furiously arrogant in this instance when he has decided to not show the appeal.  The ground he particularly lost it with me was when he questioned whether the aid would actually reach the people it needed too or whether Hamas would take control of it.

For a person whose life was spent from an early age with people who worked with the Red Cross, Save the Children, UN and the other charities involved in the appeal, having the privilege to know people who have given of themselves in the name of helping and saving others, it was the biggest slap on the face. These are people who care deeply about the safety and welfare of other human beings.  Who work for the good of others.

To question them and their ability to deliver aid to the Palestinians was so low as to be abhorrent.  It makes a mockery of the work of the Red Cross over the last 75 years.

It is deeply insulting for this to even have been suggested.

And that is where my principle grudge is with Mark Thompson.

This brings me to the future because I believe the BBC is damaged now.  People are feeling disengaged from it, people like me who grew up with the BBC Worldservice as my news source, my eyes and ears to the world and a trusted friend.

After the last few days of controversy I walk away from the BBC because it feels as if my friend has betrayed me and is not a nice person after all.  Which sounds ridiculous reading these words but its really how I feel.

My future is with the bloggers and reading blogs and finding information from the web because I feel confident now where and how to access what I feel is relevant and right to me.

Benkler wrote in his book – The Wealth of Networks of how bloggers are creating the Fifth Estate and I truly can see this happening now.

The world is in such turmoil, with our banks collapsing, money running out, industries struggling for survival and in the midst of all this it feels as if everything we felt was real is not. If we stop believing in the media then the only option is to go into the internet and find the information there which we seek to find.

Will it be balanced and fair and impartial?  That is hard to say, the blogosphere is still evolving but I feel hope when I read the blogs on the Daily Kos or the Huffington Post…  these are not the standard elite who have controlled the media for different interests but are people who are passionate about their world and their society and this gives me hope.

In years to come we will be studying the Israeli control of the media in this conflict – how all the journalists involved in reporting on the war at a distance were texted every morning and given intense news briefings on the Israeli position whilst the rights of the Palestinians were ignored or bombed.

Dr Scilla Elworthy, founder of the Oxford Research Group and founder of the charity Peacedirect makes an interesting point in her broadcast which I will go and dig out for this blog.  She says terrorists are not born, they are made and they most often made when they have been humilated and given no hope.

That pretty much sums up to me the ingredients the Israelis have imposed on the Palestinians, they have humiliated them and taken away their hope. In other words  Hamas was created by the Israeli’s through their actions of suppressing the Palestinians.

What a bloody awful mess this whole thing is.

Finally after my tutors wise words (John and Richard from Bournemouth University – I thank you) the subject for my MA first assigment and focus for the course came to me – like a blinding revelation of what and why.

The blogosphere and how it is changing todays political landscape.

The more I read about the role of media (mass) over the past few decades the more the subject has come alive.

And my mission is to plot the change of how politics has been written about, how citizens have been informed and topics of the day / political issues debated since the 17th Coffeehouses where some of the greatest minds came together to debate over a cup of coffee..

These times are fascinating as we are witnessing the coming I believe of truly democratic debating through the internet and specifically via the social networks and blogs which more and more people are engaging in.

So has the blogosphere changed the public sphere…

That’s that what my essay will be discussing.

So next installment to the blog coming soon – in the meantime I’m sharing some great political commentary via these cartoons from a great website called www.londonsketchbook.com

And learning how to use the tools on this blog.

Also great excitement as I will be interviewing some very cool people next week as part of my MA assigment – I can’t tell you how thrilled I was when they said yes.

So will be posting the video clips to this blog too.